the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have fence marks all over my body
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
