Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
