Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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