JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
