I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
