Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
