you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
