I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
