Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
