I can text with my tongue
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
