And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
