my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
