Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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