Four minutes until I can fart!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
