There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
