also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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