thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize