Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
