so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
