i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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