got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
