ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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