the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found your dick twin last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
