a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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