At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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