Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
