Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
