I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
