SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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