I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
