He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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