I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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