Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
