Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
