Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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