idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
