thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
