Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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