I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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