If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
