ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
