just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
