You just made me feel so damn special
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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