I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
