Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
