I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
