i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
