alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
don't judge my taste in strippers
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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