No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
