If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
