her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
