I need to stop coming to work sober
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
