we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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