I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
