And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
