All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
