I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
