is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
