I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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