he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
