the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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