I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize