Yo dont text me then not text me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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