Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
