Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
