And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
