thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
