The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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