Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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