Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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