There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
