Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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